This time I'm afraid. On my way to a very different world

This time I’m afraid, I’ve been trying to do physical things all the time so I wouldn’t have to think about it. Even reading was tough; I had a 5 hours Grey’s Anatomy Marathon yesterday!

I’m not afraid of wars or kidnapping, I’m afraid of the reverse cultural shock AGAIN. I moved here with two back packs, everything I owned I could carry in 2 backpacks! Sure I left my books at my mom house, but wardrobe wise, I didn’t own much. Paraguay is hot, you don’t need winter clothes!!

I found myself asking yesterday, should I bring my shoes and pedals? I’ll be in Geneva for 3 days, I can find a bike shop and rent a bike! But what about the free city bike that  you can get there? Suddenly I’m a bike snob, I wish I can find my 48 cm carbon Specialized Amira anywhere, because that’s the Bike I love!

This is why I need to keep doing this, to remind myself of the time when I was soo happy without having much! Without the perfect running shoes, and the goggles that won’t fog or the perfect Bike!

Before my first mission, I cried, I cried soo hard at the airport; I remember hugging my family and friends who went to the airport to say good Bye, and going straight through customs. My sister later told me, mom was so impressed of how strong you are, you didn’t even look back. She didn’t know I didn’t look back because I was about  to explode in tears, I was so afraid, overwhelmed with the unknown. I left everything I knew to pursuit my dream of becoming a humanitarian doctor.

My family, if they only knew how much I cried that day!! But I didn't want my mom, to be worried about me.

My family, if they only knew how much I cried that day!! But I didn't want my mom, to be worried about me.

That was 6 years ago, little I knew I would do 3 long missions, before meeting the love of my life, a not humanitarian worker, and that I would live a spoiled OC life for 9 months a year.

We have so much here, and I surrounded myself with people who realizes that and enjoy outdoors as much as I do, I love when friends like Nancy Yeeha :), will stop and just say WOOWW what a beautiful day! Aren’t we just so blessed to live here! I wanna hug her so much when she does that! I call this people my Oxygen people  and they know who they are :) 

But at the same time I know complainers and sometimes I just want to punch them in the face with reality, so they could realize how lucky we are!!!

So, that’s why I need to leave, but this time I’m afraid, that I actually changed, and that I can’t enjoy life as much as I used to without having everything.

For the ones who knows me from Project Bike Love, I’m also a family physician who works for Doctors without Borders since 2010, and met the love her life and move to the States in 2013.  A lot of people ask me aren’t you afraid to leave?  And think like I’m this weird crazy super woman.  I’m just this girl from Paraguay, who one day realized she shouldn’t take life for granted, but that’s a whole other story. But truth is, of course I’m afraid! Even though I don’t show it or don’t even want to talk about it, but my biggest fear is forgetting about the World!

I’m breathing hard while I’m writing this; I think is time for a bike ride! 

Love!

Belen

The kids in my first mission in South Sudan.

The kids in my first mission in South Sudan.